I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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