3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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