Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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