It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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