Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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