you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
