i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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