just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
