On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he told me I talked like a deaf person
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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