oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
