saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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