You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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