just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
