After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
