I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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