You just made me feel so damn special
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
