I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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