I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
