Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
