By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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