There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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