i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
