dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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