I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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