Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.