he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.