did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This couple is walking their pig around campus