I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.