do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.