Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS