My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
