omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
