there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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