i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
