I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
