i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I will pee on everything he values.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
