New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
