Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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