dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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