No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
