In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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