He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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