It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
