This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
