i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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