Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
