When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of course I have a pirate flag
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
