I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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