I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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