when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
