wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
