with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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