i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize