After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
