So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
