I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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