my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
