i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you didnt know i had herpes?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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