God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
