And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
