You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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