i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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