It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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