I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
