Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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