Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
