GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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