I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm bleeding and have questions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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