we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
