He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
