Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
