apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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