so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
