this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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